Ive been writing a story on a male busker. I’m not too happy with it so far and wanted a second opinion and how to improve it! Here it is so far!:
Ronn grasped his guitar case tighter as he plunged into the crowded streets. The sea of people parted as he walked. He rubbed his tired eyes and adjusted his headphones around his neck. The black road glistened like zirconia, wet from that evening’s rain. With the last glimmer of sunset gone, the city life inhabited the streets. Even with the various noises of tipsy laughter, club music and vehicle motors, the sound of his converse hitting the pavement that Ronn heard loudest. He paid no attention to a brewing fight to the right of him between two drunken men. It wasn’t possible with his mind being preoccupied already. Even when being spoken to, Ronn’s thoughts always wander far away. There was that distinct burning of hunger that lingered in his stomach which he attempted to cool with a cigarette as he walked. He watched the smoke drift into night air, contrasting beautifully against the darkness of the sky. He walked onwards, his hoody riding the brief moments of the wind. He looked down to the puddles, city lights reflected vividly in them. He stepped into one his shoe sending ripples through the water, shattering the beauty of the light. Ronn inhaled deeply on his cigarette, before dropping it. Feeling a drop on his forehead, he looked up towards the sky to catch a glimpse of daunting clouds suffocating the sky. More and more drops attacked him, beating him with unnecessary force. His rusty coloured hair became a few shades darker, dripping onto his hoody. Cursing, he joined the swarms of people scampering to cover. Hurriedly glancing around, he could see no sheltered areas. Becoming desperate to escape the iciness of the rain, he sprinted down the street, guitar case lifted above his head like a soldier clutching his shield. He ducked down an alleyway, relieved to see it was moderately sheltered. He sank down the graffiti smothered wall, body aching. Ronn closed his eyes, and pulled his legs up beneath his chin. Water trickled down his body, stinging his eyes and entering his mouth. His hair was plastered to his face, and his trousers soaked through. He pulled out another cigarette and flicked his lighter. The flame flickered violently, disintegrating the shadows and letting off an insignificant fragment of heat. He longed for that heat to envelope his body.
Its a bit rubbish!! Also what could happen because I’m stuck between a few ideas. which one sounds better?:
- He finds a girl in an alleyway who is also homeless and teaches her how to busk.
- just about life as a busker/homeless man.
- he finds a fellow busker girl and they join up and support eachother with a relationship starting out on dislike
any other ideas that would be better?
Thanks, looking forward to seeing what you think! 