Last Saturday, when I was staying at my gf Barbara’s place, we had a fight (or should I say she had a freakout) that ended up with her beating me up, breaking my cell, and locking me inside her place and forcing me to spend the night.
All this because she saw a text message on my cell from an old classmate of mine, whom I hadn’t seen in years and just happened to be in town this week, inviting me for lunch and thought I was cheating on her. I tried to explain her what was going on but she didn’t listen, she just went berserk. You can read up my previous questions if you want for more information.
Now, it doesn’t take a psychologist to realize this issue is deeply-rooted in her, and she probably became this way because of something that happened to her previously in life, but I have no idea what that might be, Barbara doesn’t like to talk about her past, and I honestly have no intentions of pressing the matter with her.
I have her friend Jean’s number, Jean and her have been friends since they were little children, I know Jean can tell me more about Barbara’s past and help me figure what’s wrong with her, maybe we can even work together to try and help her.
But I’m scared Barbara might find out and have another freakout, thinking I’m hitting on Jean (she’s makes me show her a registry of all my cellphone activity weekly).
Of course, I could use my fixed phone to contact her. Do you think I should do it? And how could I keep Barbara from finding out?
I know it would be easier to break up with her, but that’s just not how I work… once I find somebody I love, I can’t just let go of her, I was really, really happy with her before this happened.
Barbara is my queen, a loyal serf never leaves his queen, I can’t abandon her like that.
She sounds a little too crazy. You might want to rethink staying with her.
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she has the right to be mad
put ureself in her shoes,,and remember that girls are way more sensitive than guys
i had the same situation
nuthing is wrong with her she is a sensitive girl and she has the right to be upset
but showing cellphone activity is not right so stop that
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im sorry, but if a girl doesn’t let you explain yourself before she jumps to a concussion then she is not the one for you, if you have to go into yahoo answers and ask random people what to do with this girl, then she isn’t for you. i think you get where im going with this. but she seem crazy to Me. i think you can do better, stop being a pussy and leave her. she doesn’t trust you.
help that helped, and hope you man up and do the right thing and everything works out
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First of all, I admire that you love your girlfriend so deeply because I know i’ve had my fair share of freakouts too, but never to something of this degree. Whenever I fight with my boyfriend I remember this saying that I heard a long time ago that says that instead of pinning all the problems on the other person, start statements with “I feel…” and “I think…” so that she doesn’t feel like you are blaming her for every problem. The only way I can see things getting better between you and your girlfriend is if you talk about her past because she might have abandonment or trust issues. When my boyfriend and I first started going out I had a really hard time trusting him since I don’t have the best relationship with my dad, but after we talked it out I felt much more centered in my own life and our relationship was strengthened tenfold. I think you should sit down with Barbara and see if she is at all willing to open up because all you really want to do is learn more about her so you can understand her better. You are going to have to break down her wall, but do so gently because once its up, it is hard to take away. I’ve been working on my trust issues but I would never have gotten to this point if my boyfriend hadn’t held my hand through the process. Best of luck!
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Your friend needs some pro help, bad gremlins ina queens closet!
If she broke your cell phone you will have no trail.
Ask ms Jean to come with you to confront her highness. In person.
Explain your concerns together and see if you can get her to seek some help.
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wow… well honestly i would talk to her and tell her how much you love her and care for her and that you don’t want to be fighting about things that are not even true.
damn i think many woman would wish to have a bf that feels that way about them… i think she shouldn’t be insecure.
** JUst be honest.
i just don’t like the violence… it’s unnecessary.
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If she has insecurity issues they are her problem not yours. You can never “earn” her trust, you can only prove to her that you are untrustworthy. If she sets a trap for you, and you pass, she will only think that you got away with it THIS time. You have to tell her straight up that you are not doing anything wrong and that she has to freely give her trust to you or your relationship will never work out. Explain to her that she should trust you beyond any doubt and that it is you two against the world and that if she ever catches you misstepping or doing anything wrong then she can take the trust away, but she can’t punish you for crimes you have yet to commit. It is unjust and unfair and you will eventually get sick of it and have to leave. I’ve seen it happen a few time. Good luck though, i’ve been in those shoes and they are not comfy I assure you!
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I have to give you advice cuz i feel like barbara sometimes. I will freak out and spaz on my fiance. Any things to do with any other female bothers me. Whether hes making a comment about someone on tv or friends, anyone. ITs because i have been cheated on , backstabbed, you name it. I try to not be soooo insecure but once it happens you question every little thing or check everything phones, emails whatever. I feel for her, Im sure she has been hurt and is worried youll end up hurting her. I dont think talking to the friend is a good idea. If i were barabara i would think why r u calling her, do you like her…. You just need to be upfront honest , an open book, and not hide anything.
best of luck
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Don’t resort to her friend Jean, Because like you said another “Freak out” could ensue. Instead I would go straight to the source..Barbara. If your worried about her loosing her cool again, My best advice would go to a quiet restaurant, or cafe, Coffee shop, Anything that will give her no choice but to remain civil, She’ll be less likely to over react in public. That way you guys can have a private enough discussion, but it remains calm and collected. Now, when it comes to reaching the problem, She has landed a great guy(most guys would go running out the door after an episode like that, So Kudos to you) Explain to her, that you want nothing but the best for her, and your relationship, but that behavior was unacceptable, let her know that she needs to trust you, unless you’ve given her a reason not too. She can’t get angry when it comes to female friends, Offer her to come along for the lunch with the old classmate, She will feel better about it, and she’ll know since you invited her, that the chances of you hiding something are slim. When it comes to the weekly cellphone check, that is a little out of line also. There is no denying that you guys love each other(since your willing to work this out) but you need to fix these flaws to get past this bump and move on as a stronger, trusting, more connected couple. Let her know that locking you in the apartment wasn’t the way to solve anything, The last thing you needed was to feel like you were stuck in a cage match with the one you love. Don’t take this the wrong way, It may sound silly,but i am speaking from experience here, Buy the book “Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus” Read it together in bed(maybe a chapter a night) My fiance and I are 10 years apart(I am 23 he is 33) we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs, and that book saved our relationship, and we came back full force, Stronger and now happier then ever. Communication and Trust are the 2 most important keys in a happy relationship. You need to communicate with her and address her behaviour(in a calm way), and she needs to trust you when it comes to YOUR cellphone and female pals. Good luck! I hope this helped. Take Care.
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