I don’t know why… but my husband is very suspicious around me. He says he isn’t, but he definitely is. He never calls his mom in front of me, and when she does call he won’t answer in front of me. He always says ” oh we’re busy, I’ll call her tomorrow”. He gets constant calls (about 8 a day or more) from 800 numbers…. and this one 414 number. We do have a few debts so when he says they are bill collectors, they very well could be. He does EMS and sometimes he comes home late for work. I used to work at the same company and I know that at times I’d be 3 hours late coming home. Usually when he takes a shower, he brings his cell in there with him(I do the same so I don’t miss important calls). He also brings his laptop but he uses it to play music. I never go on his laptop or through his phone. I have went through his phone before and it always starts fights so I stopped doing it. A lot of times there were hurtful things on there. Him flirting with his co-worker, his mom texting him about divorce papers being in(We’ve since healed our marriage and shredded them months ago). He moved 1 hr 10 mins away from his mom. He moved 1 hour 45 mins from his job. He didn’t want to give up his job or friends or even college for new ones. He killed the car in mileage for 2 years, then finally got laid off from his one job. I got him hired down here, so he finally quit the other one. He tries to say he “quit” that job for me… but i’m sorry. when you move, you accept the fact that you need to find new friends, new jobs, and what have you. He always puts it on me though. He still isn’t very accepting of going to school down here or making friends. He throws a fit anytime i bring it up. Our pastor, aka our marriage counselor, said for him to permanently “delete” that girl the he flirts with from his life. He still hasn’t. Anytime i mention her he bursts out into anger. She got married and texted him right after. He said he doesn’t want to get rid of her because thats His “best friend”. I thought i was his best friend? “Oh you know what i mean hun” is his excuse. When his phone rings, I don’t answer it. I’m scared he will get mad at me for answering it. I mean, I am his wife after all, but I want to respect his privacy. I do believe in whats yours is mine though. Other than these things, there really hasn’t been that many issues. We are definitely in love more than ever… but he just lies all the time, even about stupid things that don’t matter. I was cheated on in a previous relationship and always told myself I’d never marry a cheater. Well after we got married he told me he lied about it and used to cheat all the time, but he grew out of it. Why do I always think he is cheating? Why do I never feel like I have enough of his heart? Could it be because of his lies and deceit? Could it be because I’m scared to get cheated on again? I know his family hates me… and that already makes him love me less. I can never go to any family functions…. and he never says anything about it. He doesn’t always make me feel like a queen. He barely listens to me. He never listens to my advice. He only wants to do what he wants to do and doesnt care about my desires, plans or dreams. Its like he still thinks he is single. I really dont know what to do. Maybe if i get him to have the mindset of a husband instead of a single man, things would be better. Who knows how id do that though. I could sit and write here all day. But the point is… I dont feel treasured. I feel taken for granted way too often. It’s almost like that book/movie. “he’s just not that into you”….. only this one married me, then realized it. It sucks and hurts but i love my man and dont even believe in divorce if i wanted to. How do I get him to be more honest? really, i think if he wasn’t so suspicious, I wouldn’t always assume the worst. I know they say if someone thinks someone is cheating, its usually because the other person is and they are self conscious about it. Honestly, I am not cheating. I’m very faithful. I just wish he even cared enough about me to put a real ring on my finger. He’d rather waste money on video games. I’m a very gorgeous thick mid 20 year old woman. I have gained about 10 pounds recently… but this has been ongoing for quite some time idk. What do you think? advice? suggestions? tips to get him to love me more?
I just wanted to re-iterate that to my knowledge has had NEVER cheated on me before… but he said he was a manwhore to his ex’s in the past.
I’ve talked to him and our pastor about all of these issues. The pastor put everything on me. I don’t know why. Anyway, my husband definitely has self esteem issues. I always tell him confidence is sexy, etc, etc. and always try to lift him up and make him see what I see.
I know he’s not cheating now. But I dont know if he did before or not. We just moved. But for some reason, anytime he brings up a female partner, and talks about her all the time…. I just don’t like it. It makes me un-easy. I do have self love and whatever else, I’m just too optimistic that it sometimes blinds me and causes me to be naive.
Thank you all for your advice. I just wish he’d tell the world about me on his websites(even though our status is “married” on them) & buy me a real wedding ring. Our marriage is only as strong as our ring! <3 Fake rings = flimsyness