I’m married, and we have three kids, and I’m pregnant with our last one. I’ve been pretty stressed, lately, and my mom calls me, every day, to ‘check in,’ and I have to say, it makes me feel like I’m 12! She always wants to drop by, and I’ve told her she has to call first, but she wants to come over, a few times a week! We live about 15 minutes away from each other, and she uses the excuse that she wants to see her grandkids, which I understand… However, I’m here, too, and she and I rarely see eye-to-eye. We have some issues: she’s butted her nose in, with what she thinks is best for my kids, but I had it out with her, and she keeps quiet, now, unless she’s watching them… Which has now become rare, since I found out she questions the kids about things she should be asking ME! She still ends up coming over, about twice a week, but I’d prefer about once a month. If I tell her this, she will be a drama queen, pout, etc., and, you get the point… What would you do?
Also, she says she hardly ever sees the kids (which is clearly untrue), yet, when she comes over, she spends half her time on her cell phone, with my dad! Who calls her, several times a day, for unimportant stuff (her own admission). I find this rude, and have asked her to not answer it, if she knows it’s him, unless it’s an emergency (they have a code). She still does, though, and my kids are left sitting there, while she’s (usually) arguing on the phone! This is after they’ve been excited to see Grandma… Am I being unreasonable in my request? If it was occasional, I wouldn’t mind so much, but this is literally every time, and if she’s coming to see the kids, then I think that’s what she should do!
Before anyone asks, the kids can’t go to her house; they never have anyone over. They always want to be the visitors… Long story.
I’m also 30, and the ‘baby.’ I know she’s had a hard time letting go, but she’s emotionally unavailable, and takes everything personally.
*Thanks for the responses. I didn’t realize, until I posted, that I needed to get this out! Hubby tries, but guys can be simplistic, when they want to solve our problems! (Gotta love ‘em!) As much as him saying, “Just tell her you want to see her, less,” seems easy, it’s not that cut and dry… I’m no wilting flower, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings, either, and want to preserve the relationship between my kids and their Grandma. *
Terri, I appreciate your answer. Yes, we probably do need counseling, but it would only work if she was honest about the past (and present), and she never is… I don’t consider my having rules in my own home, as being a control freak, however. If I don’t set some guidelines, she will walk all over me… I’m thinking of the kids, as well as my own sanity; two very important issues! Unfortunately, it’s like talking to a brick wall, when attempting serious conversations. (Ignoring issues, pretending something didn’t happen, etc.) The best way to describe it, is to say she very much believes her way is the only ‘right’ way, and if someone does things, differently, they are wrong… My husbands’ mother lives about 20 minutes away, and we only see her about once every few months! She doesn’t insist on always coming over… She *is* busy, though. (I’m sure my husband would prefer his mother-in-law, NOT being over here, so much, so we can spend more quality time together as a family.)
wendi, yeah, it sounds familar! I ‘need’ to do something with my yard, I ‘need’ to add more flowers, I ‘need’ to get another doormat (even though it keeps getting knocked down, by wind)… There are so many things I supposedly *need* to do, yet, everyone else compliments me on my house, yard, and kids! It’s not fun when your parents—whom you’d hope would have nice things to say—are the ones always criticizing!
Sorry to hear about your mom, by the way… I know I’ll miss mine, one day, but I also wish we were closer than we are… We’re likely moving, in the next year, and, because of my relationship with her, it will not be close by.