I’ve started to write a novel called The Hidden Children. I’m quite young (think 12-13 years old) so apologies if my grammar isn’t great. If written the “hooking paragraph” so I just wanted to know that if you read this, would you want to read the book? Any suggestions would be great. Thx =)
I can sense someone watching us, even though my eyes are closed. I try to calm my breathing, but struggle to send my thoughts elsewhere. William and Charlie are guarding our camp, I trust them. Nothing escapes their eyesight. No one is watching us. I try to make myself believe it, but I can’t. Someone is watching us. I don’t know who it is, or why it is watching us. Visions of True Bloods flood my mind and in panic I open my eyes. They meet grey eyes above me that shows no emotion, just a foggy mist. For a second I consider screaming, but I keep my mouth shut, for the grey eyes have disappeared. I tell myself I am just paranoid, but the though bothers me. Suddenly my ears are filled with a hushed hissing. A chorus of angry, hissing voices, calling for me. Calling for revenge. The hissing grows louder, but it seems only I can hear it, for none of my other pack mates seem disturbed. A scream cuts through the air, and my blood runs cold, for the scream belongs to William. The terrifying noise is soon followed by Charlie’s loud yelp. I scramble upright and sprint across the camp grounds the where Charlie and William were guarding. My breath gets caught in my throat as I see a pair of True Bloods. The rest of the clan is awoke by the hoarse laughter of the True Bloods as they hold the charms that William’s and Charlie’s souls are imprisoned in. I leap into a tree to stay out of their sight and watch in terror as every single one of my clan mates are imprisoned in their charm necklaces. The raid is over just as soon as it starts, and the True Bloods celebrate their victory.
“That was the last of them, was it?” says the first one, who I recognize as Jazz. She is know by all as the strongest of the True Bloods.
“To my knowledge, yes” says the other one who I identify as Jack. The two strongest of True Bloods. The immortals had prepared well. Nothing could have stopped them. I watch as Jazz hands Jack her handful of charm necklaces. To my surprise, Jack smashes the charm necklaces on the ground, and tosses them into the fire. The surrounding light bursts into a swarm of colors that lifts into the air and explodes, sending sprays of colors in all directions.
“but if there are left, that should lead them on a little hunt” Jack says wickedly and is joined by Jazz as they walk back through the entrance.
I sit in the tree, paralyzed with shock. My whole clan, gone. My two best friends, Wolf and Lock, gone. I’m left alone to search for all their scattered souls, and expected to gather them and turn them back into living creatures.