Below is the opening of my current idea. I’ve got the plot figured out, all the characters are developed, and now starts the fun…writing. >:] Anyway, I was just wondering what the Y!A B&A community thought of it, and if writing this in the first place was a lost cause. I’ve been told that I can’t use adjectives well, and I’ve been studying and trying to improve myself for weeks prior to writing this. Well, here goes. Take note that it’s in the Fantasy-Adventure genre;
As Anya stared at herself in the full-length mirror nailed to her closet door, she wondered bitterly if she could possibly get any more plain. Normally she ignored her mother whenever she constantly spat unkind critiques at her only daughter, but now that Anya had the chance to really examine herself, she was horrified to see that all of what her mother had said, was true.
First off, she was thin as a board, and flat-chested like one as well. Some people sneered, “If that Anya Yurin ever turns to the side, she’ll disappear.” Normally she just laughed at or ignored the jokes that always seemed to circulate around her like bees to nectar, but now she was examining herself from the side, to make sure it wasn’t true.
“Men want -meat-,” Mother would growl as she slapped another helping of steaming potatoes on to Anya’s dinner plate. “They want meat and they want breasts – and being that you have neither, we must fatten you up, so you can meat a decent man one day and stop spending all your time with the goats…” Then she would prattle on about all of Anya’s other inadequacies, like her big nose and her millions of freckles that were splattered across her skin like mud. Anya would then clench her teeth, try to ignore her mother, and stab angrily in to her potatoes. Meanwhile trying to control herself so she didn’t say anything rude, like how Mother’s wrinkled and fatty skin resembled that of a dieting rhino.
“Well,” Anya said firmly, turning away from her reflection to tie her apron around her waist, “If all men want are breasts, then I don’t want a man.” But even as she said it she knew deep down she didn’t believe a word.
So yeah, it’s not the full chapter, just a little teaser to show you about Anya’s personality. The chapter goes on to there being a raid at market and a whole bunch of adventure and decieving insues. But tell me what you think, what I could improve on, etc etc. You get the idea. :]
Brianna – I’m a teenager myself, so I think that just my style at this point is writing for other teenagers. I hope to be writing for all ages once I’ve matured with my writing a bit.
Understandable that you couldn’t get in to it. It’s more of a back story than anything. I wasn’t trying to be cliche or anything. It’s an adventure story, not a romance, (she doesn’t end up with anyone, if that’s where the story seemed to be leading, I’m sorry.) Making Anya kind of awkward and unhappy with herself, I was intending on making her relatable with other girls, because we all have something about ourselves we don’t like.
The third replier – I’m glad you liked it. :] I like a little romance myself, and I think I might put some in for Anya..but anyways, I pronounce her last name “Your-een”, with a bit of an emphasis on the last last syllable. But yeah, now that you point it out, it does sound like a fancy word for pee. When I thought of it I wasn’t thinking of what it sounded like.